OK, January has now come and gone and after meeting with our Worker a decision has been made. It's not the one we wanted to make but I think we both feel it IS the right decision. The boys' birth relative has now been accepted as a potential match for them and is undergoing formal assessment. We let our Worker know that we would like to wait until we know that we definitely wouldn't get the boys, however she pointed out that while she admired our resolve, she couldn't say whether we would have an answer in 6 months or even six years!! We discussed this at length and decided that we should now let those boys go and look at other potential matches for us. A really difficult decision but probably made easier by the length of time we have had to wait since September. I think subconsciously we were already withdrawing from the boys and no longer referring to the rooms as their bedrooms, etc.
So, back to the drawing board. Our worker has identified 2 (single) little boys who may be suitable for us, obviously we wouldn't be able to proceed with both, only one. She has spoken with one of the boy's Workers and she (the boy's Worker) seems to be quite positive about a potential match at this early stage. Only blot on the landscape is that there is already a family who are being assessed for suitability for this child (obviously nothing is ever straightforward for us!!) but it has been suggested that they are unlikely to be accepted at matching panel. Again, we wait...
Sunday 10 February 2013
Thursday 11 October 2012
Disappointment and Disaster!!
Well, the adoption saga creaks on. Apparently wheels move very slowly in the Social Work Department so we didn't manage to get a date for matching panel until the end of September. To say we were disappointed was an understatement!!! However, we were looking forward to the panel and we were 99% sure that panel would recommend the match. The rooms were all ready for the boys, the health ad safey fairy had been and conjured up a lockable medicine cabinet, a fire guard, several fences in the garden to keep everyone away from the road and we had managed to produce a family book for each of the boys. Even our usually reticent Worker was speaking about when the boys came to stay. We were all prepared when she came round the night before panel, thinking she was coming to give us a bit of encouragement and answer any questions we might have for the next day. Boy, were we wrong.....! She sat down and said "there's a problem...". It turned out that a birth relative of the boys had sent in a letter earlier that week to say she was now willing to take them and wanted to be considered!!!!! We were shocked, stunned, devastated!! Our worker said that meant there could be no matching panel the next day as the relative will have to be assessed for suitability which could, and probably will, take months. We were both in tears, to have been SO close to the boys and to have them snatched away at the 11th hour was cruel indeed. I know we hadn't even met them but we knew all about them, every detail of their lives, we had seen pictures, we had imagined them in their bedrooms in our house, we had encouraged our family to expect them....we just never imagined this scenario...ever!!
Over the next few days we both moped around the house, it felt like someone had died, a bereavement. We had to tell my Dad he wouldn't be a Grandad...yet, our nephews that they won't be getting their new cousins...yet, our close friends had to be told and it didn't get any easier as we told the story over and over again.
On the bright side (for us) there is a possibility that we may still have the chance to have the boys but now we have to consider how long we wait before we ask to be considered for other children. Do we wait for the original two? What happens the day we're told we definitely can't have them? What do we do in the meantime?
We definitely want these two, we are attached to them, but we have to be practical at the same time. We have decided to revisit the decision in January, see what happens between now and then. Hopefully the relative will decide she can't take them or she won't be approved to adopt - see how quickly you clutch at straws!! You have all of the scenarios in you head, you decide this relative is only in it for the tax credits, she lives in an unsuitable area, she has unsuitable friends, she's a horrible person...! I'm sure it's not true but....we live in hope.
Over the next few days we both moped around the house, it felt like someone had died, a bereavement. We had to tell my Dad he wouldn't be a Grandad...yet, our nephews that they won't be getting their new cousins...yet, our close friends had to be told and it didn't get any easier as we told the story over and over again.
On the bright side (for us) there is a possibility that we may still have the chance to have the boys but now we have to consider how long we wait before we ask to be considered for other children. Do we wait for the original two? What happens the day we're told we definitely can't have them? What do we do in the meantime?
We definitely want these two, we are attached to them, but we have to be practical at the same time. We have decided to revisit the decision in January, see what happens between now and then. Hopefully the relative will decide she can't take them or she won't be approved to adopt - see how quickly you clutch at straws!! You have all of the scenarios in you head, you decide this relative is only in it for the tax credits, she lives in an unsuitable area, she has unsuitable friends, she's a horrible person...! I'm sure it's not true but....we live in hope.
Friday 22 June 2012
...the continuing saga....
Since I last blogged about this (and yes I am quite well aware that no one has actually looked at my blog - don't care!!) things have been gathering momentum!!
Two little boys have now been identified and we are very excited (David says he's not as excited as me but I think he is...!). The boys are 5 and 8 and are brothers. I can't say too much but hopefully they could be with us during the summer holidays and start school in August.
We have a choice to make between two schools for them, one is a rural school and the other is a larger town school. I'm tending towards the rural school as it only has about 50 pupils in total and would hopefully be able to provide more individual attention to both boys. We've been to visit this one but are also going to visit the larger one too. Today in fact! Must get ready!!
Two little boys have now been identified and we are very excited (David says he's not as excited as me but I think he is...!). The boys are 5 and 8 and are brothers. I can't say too much but hopefully they could be with us during the summer holidays and start school in August.
We have a choice to make between two schools for them, one is a rural school and the other is a larger town school. I'm tending towards the rural school as it only has about 50 pupils in total and would hopefully be able to provide more individual attention to both boys. We've been to visit this one but are also going to visit the larger one too. Today in fact! Must get ready!!
Jenny Arnott Giveaway
Have you seen the giveaway by Jenny Arnott? What a beautiful picture!! I'm going to try to put a picture on here but in the meantime go to her Facebook page and have a look. Or click here to have a look- jennyarnott.blogspot.co.uk
Yes, it worked!!
Yes, it worked!!
Thursday 10 May 2012
Attack of the Pensions!!!
As well as trying to set up a yarn business, I currently am employed as a civil servant. It really hacks me off when people tell me I earn more than I should and I'll have a "gold-plated" pension when I retire.
Well, for your information, having been in the same grade for 6 years, I have now reached the heady heights of being on the minimum for that grade due to no fault of my own just the way the pay increases (or not) over the past 6 years have worked. Add to that the fact that we've had no salary increase for two years and next June we'll see an increase of 1% (gee, thanks - remind what the inflation rate has been over the past three years?). Overall the value of my salary (taking into account pay freezes, increases in pension contributions, etc.) by 2015 will have fallen by about £3000. I'm sorry, I can't afford that!! Is it any wonder I'm trying to set up my own business in addition to my employment. Oh, I'm only supposed to work for a maximum of 40 hours per week.....that's not going to happen is it?
Now we come to the pension...despite being told by the National Audit Office that our pension scheme was affordable without any adjustments, those in the Government who think up crazy ideas decided that all of us in the public sector should be paying more for our pensions. Now, I wouldn't have a problem with this if the extra money was actually going into the pension fund, but it's not. We get no additional benefit for paying out more, our employer has decided that they can mess about with our contracted pension terms without a "by your leave" and we have to work longer before we reach pensionable age.
You can tell, it makes me mad!!!
Today my Trades Union called a strike over the pensions debacle. Now it's not often I agree with the Union, but today for the first time in my life, I am on strike - that's how mad I am!!
Well, for your information, having been in the same grade for 6 years, I have now reached the heady heights of being on the minimum for that grade due to no fault of my own just the way the pay increases (or not) over the past 6 years have worked. Add to that the fact that we've had no salary increase for two years and next June we'll see an increase of 1% (gee, thanks - remind what the inflation rate has been over the past three years?). Overall the value of my salary (taking into account pay freezes, increases in pension contributions, etc.) by 2015 will have fallen by about £3000. I'm sorry, I can't afford that!! Is it any wonder I'm trying to set up my own business in addition to my employment. Oh, I'm only supposed to work for a maximum of 40 hours per week.....that's not going to happen is it?
Now we come to the pension...despite being told by the National Audit Office that our pension scheme was affordable without any adjustments, those in the Government who think up crazy ideas decided that all of us in the public sector should be paying more for our pensions. Now, I wouldn't have a problem with this if the extra money was actually going into the pension fund, but it's not. We get no additional benefit for paying out more, our employer has decided that they can mess about with our contracted pension terms without a "by your leave" and we have to work longer before we reach pensionable age.
You can tell, it makes me mad!!!
Today my Trades Union called a strike over the pensions debacle. Now it's not often I agree with the Union, but today for the first time in my life, I am on strike - that's how mad I am!!
Saturday 5 May 2012
Cat out of the Bag!!
Over the past few weeks it has come to light that my mother-in-law, the redoubtable Pauline, has been telling all of her closest friends and relatives about a significant event in our lives. So, it seems to me that I should be able to discuss it here and let everyone else (the one or two who read my blog!!) know from the horse's mouth.
Some time ago (about 2006) David and I, having had no luck in the fertility stakes, decided to investigate the possibility of adoption. We approached our local authority, completed the training course and were about to sign on the dotted line to start the long and arduous process when David's vertebrae decided they wanted a say in the matter too!
Following many weeks of agony, while the doctors waited to see if he would spontaneously recover (!), David had an operation to alleviate the ruptured disk in his back. This worked well for about 6 weeks then the pain returned with a vengeance and, to cut long story short, he had a further 2 operations over the next 3 years and was finally told that no more could be done surgically. Since his last op. he has shown great strength of will and although there are days when he is in great pain, despite his painkillers, he has learned how to cope with his condition which now includes fibromyalgia too.
In January 2011 we decided to take another look at adoption now that David's health was more stable, or at least under control, and contacted the LA again. They came out to see us and decided that we should do the training again as much had changed in the intervening years. We attended the training in February 2011 and were advised that several issues needed to be addressed before we could start completing our Form F (the application form for prospective adopters). We both had to get medicals done and I subsequently had to have an investigation into what later turned out to be fibroids!! That took us to October 2011 when we could finally get down to the nitty-gritty of completing the application.
The form itself was a huge piece of work that took about 6 months to complete with the help of our Social Worker. It involved a lot of soul-searching and getting to the bottom of any deep seated issues either of us might have had from our childhood, etc. We also had to decide how many children we felt we could offer a home to, what ages, what gender, etc. Not an easy process!!
We completed the form in February 2012, we then had to have a second opinion visit from our SW's manager, then we had to attend the Adoption Panel!! A very scary morning faced with a table of 10 people who grilled us on the information we had in our form (and some that wasn't in the form!) who then pronounced that they would recommend we should be accepted as adoptive parents. This then had to be ratified by the "Decision Maker" about 2 weeks later.
The outcome was that on (Friday) 13th April 2012 the decision was made that David and I could officially be adoptive parents. Woohoo!!
Our SW is now in the process of "looking for little children" for us. We are currently twiddling our thumbs as there's not much we can do. We don't know how many children (1, or 2 if part of a sibling pair), we don't know what age (between 18 months and 8 years) and we don't know what gender (we didn't specify). The worst thing is we also don't know how long this is going to take - not great for planning adoption leave for me or cutting down David's opening hours at the Nursery (horticultural!), etc. We can't buy beds because we might only need one or a cot, there's no point in decorating the bedroom/s as the child/children should be involved in the decisions, etc, etc, etc.
And on top of that...we're about to become parents for the first time and it's REALLY scary!!!!
Some time ago (about 2006) David and I, having had no luck in the fertility stakes, decided to investigate the possibility of adoption. We approached our local authority, completed the training course and were about to sign on the dotted line to start the long and arduous process when David's vertebrae decided they wanted a say in the matter too!
Following many weeks of agony, while the doctors waited to see if he would spontaneously recover (!), David had an operation to alleviate the ruptured disk in his back. This worked well for about 6 weeks then the pain returned with a vengeance and, to cut long story short, he had a further 2 operations over the next 3 years and was finally told that no more could be done surgically. Since his last op. he has shown great strength of will and although there are days when he is in great pain, despite his painkillers, he has learned how to cope with his condition which now includes fibromyalgia too.
In January 2011 we decided to take another look at adoption now that David's health was more stable, or at least under control, and contacted the LA again. They came out to see us and decided that we should do the training again as much had changed in the intervening years. We attended the training in February 2011 and were advised that several issues needed to be addressed before we could start completing our Form F (the application form for prospective adopters). We both had to get medicals done and I subsequently had to have an investigation into what later turned out to be fibroids!! That took us to October 2011 when we could finally get down to the nitty-gritty of completing the application.
The form itself was a huge piece of work that took about 6 months to complete with the help of our Social Worker. It involved a lot of soul-searching and getting to the bottom of any deep seated issues either of us might have had from our childhood, etc. We also had to decide how many children we felt we could offer a home to, what ages, what gender, etc. Not an easy process!!
We completed the form in February 2012, we then had to have a second opinion visit from our SW's manager, then we had to attend the Adoption Panel!! A very scary morning faced with a table of 10 people who grilled us on the information we had in our form (and some that wasn't in the form!) who then pronounced that they would recommend we should be accepted as adoptive parents. This then had to be ratified by the "Decision Maker" about 2 weeks later.
The outcome was that on (Friday) 13th April 2012 the decision was made that David and I could officially be adoptive parents. Woohoo!!
Our SW is now in the process of "looking for little children" for us. We are currently twiddling our thumbs as there's not much we can do. We don't know how many children (1, or 2 if part of a sibling pair), we don't know what age (between 18 months and 8 years) and we don't know what gender (we didn't specify). The worst thing is we also don't know how long this is going to take - not great for planning adoption leave for me or cutting down David's opening hours at the Nursery (horticultural!), etc. We can't buy beds because we might only need one or a cot, there's no point in decorating the bedroom/s as the child/children should be involved in the decisions, etc, etc, etc.
And on top of that...we're about to become parents for the first time and it's REALLY scary!!!!
Saturday 24 March 2012
Ebay Virus
For the past 2 weeks I have been spending almost every waking (and non-working or travelling to work) hour online selling spare stuff. It occurs to me that doing this can be addictive. Once you run out of the original stuff that you wanted to sell you star to look around for more. This has meant that I have now listed stuff I had already decided to keep before the first batch of sales and I'm now beginning to regret selling some stuff I've already sold - sorry, too late!!
Ah well, room enough for more stuff that I can use my PayPal account balance for.....!!
Ah well, room enough for more stuff that I can use my PayPal account balance for.....!!
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